Reviews

Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2010-09-01
Summary: "This Book was a Huge Help"

This book was an incredible help in understanding and explaining the whys and hows of Adult ADD. It hit so true to home it was almost difficult to read at times, but Gina's book gave amazing insight into understanding and living with my husband, who's ADHD went undiagnosed until his mid-50s. I'm eternally grateful to Gina Pera for her work and dedication on this topic. Her book is well-written, well-organized and uses many personal examples from support groups. As someone without a support group in her area, I continue to rely on Gina's book for the wonderful feeling of support it gives me.

Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2010-08-21
Summary: "ADD or Parenting Three?"

After thousands of dollars in therapy for my husband and lots of heartache for me as I learned to oversee every aspect of our world by myself yet while he was around, I wish someone had mentioned this book to me! I have been married for 10 years and with the birth of each of our three children, my husband's ability to be a part of normal daily life disintegrated. It's gradual so life goes on and we dealt so it was hard to really know something was truly truly wrong. We all tend to moan about our spouses as we learn to navigate the world of parenting and many of my complaints were similar to those of my friends. My husband was a motivated up and coming executive when we married and lived the world of dual income no kids. It was as life got complicated buying a house, having more complex finances, bringing three children into the world that he got stuck. And when you become a parent, you do what you have to do and as a partner, I've held it together for us. So it's hard to see it but reading this book, it all becomes so clear and so plain and so simple. Every question I had was answered...everything i read made complete sense. Most important is that I'm validated, finally. I was so relieved to read a book for myself, about what i was witnessing. Gina's book instantly motivated us to get the help he needs, we knew what questions to ask and we knew to make sure we were meeting with doctors well versed in ADD. It is an easy read. i inked all over my copy so my husband could really see what I was relating to in the book. Just reading the book has helped me to deal with him these last days until he starts meds--not trying to reason with him has given me a lot more energy! This book is not sugar coated but it's enlightening and it gives straight forward solutions, answers, validity, clarity, you name it!

Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2010-08-18
Summary: "Start with This BOOK!!"

If someone you love has AD(H)D or you suspect they might, buy this book. If you are in a very troubled relationship, and can't figure out why your spouse don't seem to make sense, or seem to be able to be consistent, or seems out of control, angered easily, or is impulsive, BUY THIS BOOK!

I started researching ADD after our college aged son was diagnosed with the inattentive form of ADD. It was like a flood light light bulb moment as I read through the ways that ADD or ADHD can show up in a person. After 2 counseling sessions, we are waiting for my husband to get tested for ADHD; which; after reading this book, I am 110% sure he has!

I laughed, I cried, and I kept shaking my head YES as I read through the experiences of others. I know now it's not ME having the problems in my 22 year marriage, it's a disorder my husband has. And it needs to be treated like diabetes, or high cholesterol.

I bought 4 other books from Amazon before I got this one; and although they were good, I would suggest you start with this one! Then read Delivered From Distraction by Edward Hallowell, and visit his website.

These 2 books will be a start to a new life for you and your loved one, or maybe even for you if you have ADHD.

Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2010-08-01
Summary: "Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder"

While this book is written in the context of relationships and is written from the point of view of the partner that doesn't have ADHD, and explains how the partner can help their partner with ADHD; those of us with ADHD can still learn a lot from this book. We can even apply these strategies as well when we have gotten a handle on our own ADHD to help others dealing with undiagnosed ADHD.

After reading over 35 or more books on ADD/ADHD, this is one of my favorite books on ADD/ADHD.

I have ADHD myself and I really appreciate her work. She really understands us. I wish more non-ADHD people were like her. This is A MUST READ BOOK FOR BOTH PEOPLE WITH ADHD AND WITHOUT ADHD.

Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2010-07-29
Summary: "A Revelation for Partners of People with ADHD"

Written for partners of p/w (people with) AD/HD, by an award-winning journalist whose husband has AD/HD, Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? describes AD/HD symptoms; thoroughly explains AD/HD based on current brain research; communicates with anecdotes how AD/HD symptoms practically manifest in real life and their devastating and frequently annihilating impact on relationships; and provides success strategies for partners of p/w AD/HD for self-care, supporting their AD/HD partners in obtaining treatment, finding effective therapy for both parties and understanding the role of medication in managing AD/HD.

Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? is filled with factual information that helps one understand that the behaviors manifested by partners with AD/HD that appear selfish, childish, lazy, willfully incompetent, etc., most likely have an organic origin in their partner's brain and are not necessarily character issues or a reflection of how little their AD/HD partners love them. Describing the impacts of untreated AD/HD on relationships, very frequently accompanied by corollary challenges like substance and junk food abuse, emotional irritability, clinical anxiety, clinical depression and more, Ms. Pera also emphasizes repeatedly the necessity of successfully addressing the AD/HD before addressing the damaged relationship itself. Of exceptional usefulness is guidance Ms. Pera provides in the type of therapeutic modalities that are most effective and appropriate for you, your partner with AD/HD, and together, as well as how to gauge the competence of mental health professionals in AD/HD issues. Surprisingly, given the number of people having AD/HD, the mental health profession is apparently behind the curve in its understanding of, ability to correctly diagnose, and successfully treat AD/HD. If you end up with a well meaning dud, your relationship can get worse with bad advice rather than better.

Some of the guidance offered may seem to continue the same, exploitative practices that embitter partners of p/w AD/HD, such as taking responsibility to urge AD/HD partners to obtain an accurate diagnosis and treatment, or seeking appropriate therapists. It merely continues the reality that AD/HD becomes the burden and responsibility of the partner NOT having AD/HD, while the person WITH AD/HD continues on his/her merry way..."hyperfocusing" on something more fun--just like a child. However, getting your sick--and it can't be overemphasized that AD/HD is a medical condition--partner help IS the first step to self-care and, hopefully, repairing or saving your damaged relationship.

I really appreciated the hope that Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D? provides partners of p/w AD/HD that, with hard work and commitment of both parties, one doesn't have to be condemned to the life-sucking role of their partner's caretaker, at the expense of one's own dreams and desires. And, it also provides hope that one's AD/HD partner isn't condemned to a life of failure and judgment.

I further appreciate that this book doesn't admonish partners of p/w AD/HD to "appreciate differences" or see AD/HD as "a gift." AD/HD is no gift when, as depicted in the book, your finances are in a chaotic state of disaster, you run the constant risk of car accidents because of your partner's "distracted" driving, you function as your partner's caretaker and maid, you live in a home that is the cause of humiliation because AD/HD is your interior designer, your partner's employment history is unstable, or you become subject to verbal and emotional abuse because of AD/HD corollaries.

Gina Pera's Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D? is an invaluable tool for partners who love their p/w AD/HD life companions and are willing to fight for what is best for both of them.